Popcorn and a Blanket
by 26Chocolates
Summary: In a world where the trolls are human, John Egbert is in love with ONE  1  Karkat Vantas. He's planned the ultimate ROMANTIC EVENING- a Nicolas Cage marathon- but he's faced with uncertainty, reluctance, and the consequences of lactose intolerance.


Your name is John Egbert and you're currently considering the implications of being totally, massively, irreversibly in love with one of your best friends. You're pretty sure that might make you gay. You should probably ask Rose but she's at the front of the class and your teacher might get mad at you. You're reading Hamlet, or you're supposed to be following along, but you never get chosen to read any roles. This is because of your method of commenting on _everything_. But that's okay! The people reading now are really good, in your opinion, and _god damn it Strider better stop staring at you soon_.

He does that sometimes. You're pretty sure it's because he thinks that every time He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named speaks you're going to lose your mind and confess your undying love for the angry boy who sits three seats in front of you. You think this because every day, after any class you have with the both of them, he tells you that.

It's not like you're completely infatuated with him! You just like to run your hands through his hair- it's so red and tangley- and just look into his eyes- they're this steely grey, and not even the weird type of grey eyes that look like they're blue, they're actually grey and it's super cool. Sometimes, when he's not busy- and it's not that often, he's the president of the drama club and if he's not at rehearsals his dad's dragging him around to do charity events- you guys sit around and watch movies, and sometimes (most of the time) you end up lying on his lap or leaning against him despite his arguments.

So maybe you're a bit touchy-feely with a guy who you're trying not to be in love with. But who can blame you? He's easily the most adorable (adorabloodthirsty?) guy you've ever met! You're pretty sure Nepeta feels the same way, she's always following him around and trying to get super close, and honestly, it's _kind _of annoying but Karkat doesn't really like it too much so you guess it's okay?

The bell rings, and suddenly the entire class is on their feet and jostling to get out of the room. It takes a moment for you to register that somebody is talking to you and _uh oh he's scowling and crossing his arms and staring at you and he's saying something._

"Christ, Egbert, are you so mentally inferior to everyone else that you can't process the simplest tasks, like _somebody fucking talking to you?_"

You smile sheepishly at him, only to have him raise an eyebrow at you. He asks you if you're still on for tonight, and for about eight seconds, your mind is reeling over what he could mean. Then it hits you.

"The movie marathon?"

Karkat rolls his eyes, sitting on the desk next to yours. "No shit, Sherlock. The day I decided that would be ideal for going immediately batshit insane."

"Come on, Karkat," you say, standing up and shoving your things into your bag as nonchalantly as possible. "Nic Cage isn't _bad. _He is an _acting legend_."

"Legendary only for the depths of his horrible acting," he replies, and you can tell he's getting irritated. "So are we going to your house or not?"

In a few seconds you've assured him that you guys are going to have an _awesome _movie marathon and that you guys are leaving in like, eight seconds, and you almost hit him in the face when you swung your bag over your shoulder. He rolls his eyes at all of this and glares at you when you try apologizing. He does that a lot, but you don't mind! He's just being Karkat.

"What do you want to see first?" you ask, and he shrugs.

"Whichever will drive me to kill myself the fastest," he replies, and you smile at him.

"But then you won't see the rest of the movies!"

"That's the fucking point."

"The Wicker Man, then?"

"The fucking Wicker Man it is."

"We can watch Con Air to make up for it, afterwards!"

"Take pity on my corpse."

* * *

><p>If there's anything you know about Karkat, it's that he can't stand horror movies- even the bad ones that aren't that scary! Rose told you that once, Kanaya tried to get him to watch Rocky Horror, and he spent the entire time with his face in a pillow. It's kind of funny, but sometimes it gets really hard to see <em>anything<em> with him because he's either complaining about it or trying to hide. Not even your best tries to get him to rant about the movie will get him to take his face out from underneath the pillow. At the moment he's curled up on the other end of your couch.

"Ugh, and now Rowan is betraying him?" you exclaim in shock, despite the fact that you've seen this movie before. "She is such a horrible kind-of daughter. Edward is just trying to be a good human being, seeing as her mother was his fiancee!"

You hear something that could either be, "Big fucking deal" or "Go muck a seal", and you decide it's the former.

"It really is! You know," you say, looking over at him to see one of his eyes peeping out from behind the pillow, "Casey would never do that."

"Who the fuck cares?"

"I do! Who could dare do something like that to Nicolas Cage?"

"Anybody with a working prefrontal cortex," Karkat groans, and you hear, "_Not the bees!" _

It's at this point that Karkat lets out the highest pitched scream you have ever heard and hides behind the pillow. You reach over to take the pillow from him and he hisses at you. The only thing you can see is a puff of hair. You try again to take the pillow, coaxing him to see the death of the poor, misunderstood, Edward Malus. He says something unintelligible, and you roll your eyes at him and turn your attention back to the movie. Within a few seconds, you are in tears, as the would-be-hero is put inside a giant wicker man and set aflame.

Suddenly your face is full of fabric and somebody has shoved a pillow in your face. When you move it away you see a confused and grumpy looking Karkat looking at you like you're crazy.

"Stop crying," Karkat growls, waving the pillow in your face. "Stop crying if you can't stop complaining about how horrible the movie is."

"_Dude._ You cried at the end of All About Steve."

"The message was beautiful, fuck you, and _Jesus Christ Egbert give me the pillow now!" _He makes a grab for it, however, you hold it away from him, half-curious to see what he would do and half-hoping that he would use you as the pillow instead. Your hopes were answered when he buried his face into your arm like a baby koala. Casting a look at the screen, you see the fading screen and hear the screams of Edward Malus. You think his current state of fear is a little unnecessary, but you're not complaining. Still, you feel the need to point it out to him.

"Nothing scary is happening."

The moment you said that, you felt like you shouldn't have, as he lets go of you and shoves you away. "You never fucking know, he was screaming and jump scares are still a fucking thing in Hollywood," he growls, and you laugh.

"You're such a baby, Karkat," you say, and you ruffle his hair before getting up to change the movie. "Where did you start doing the pillow thing, anyway?"

He doesn't respond, and he glares at you instead. "It appears that I'm still not suicidal. Egbert, I wanted to be sufficiently dead before we watched Con Air."

"It's a good thing you aren't!" you say, grabbing the case for Con Air. "You get to actually watch the masterpiece!"

"Kill me now," he groans, and you jump up. Before you sit down you ask him if he's hungry, and he nods.

"Popcorn?" you ask, and again, he nods, but this time, you see a ghost of a grin on his face.

Five minutes later, you and him are carrying back a monstrosity of a popcorn bowl. You're pretty certain that the amount of butter (and cheese, at Karkat's insistence) would kill any lactose-intolerant person who happened upon it. The lactose-intolerant boy who is now settling on the couch insists that, unfortunately, it would not kill. It would only seriously maim.

"I'm pretty sure that you're going to die if you eat any of this," you tell him, and he rolls his eyes as the movies begins.

"Shut up and hand me the bowl."

"Seriously, Karkat, you're going to die."

"Then stop me from eating," he growls, and he jams a fistful of popcorn into his mouth. "I know my own fucking limits, okay?"

"If you go into shock-"

"That's not how lactose intolerance works, fucknuts-"

"How do you know? Every case varies."

"It still blows my fucking mind that they nicknamed him 'The Virus'. Would anybody want to be called that _without_ being affected by severe brain damage?"

"Hey, in prison, would you want to be in a cell who they call 'The Virus'? Colds are serious business, Karkat!"

He turns to look at you, giving you a jolt as his stainless steel pair of eyes met your blue ones. "Okay, Einstein, explain 'Baby-O' to me."

You open your mouth, and you find yourself simply gaping at him. When you shut your mouth he smirks at you and shoves more popcorn into his mouth. It's now that you realize that he changed the subject and is currently shoving popcorn into his mouth. You sigh and turn your attention to the movie, though you cast a look at Karkat every few seconds.

"Fucking bullshit," he mutters a few while later, "'Swamp thing'? Egbert, I fucking dare you to try and explain that monstrosity."

You shake your head at him. "These guys have complicated pasts, Karkat. Look at Cameron! He was imprisoned for saving his wife and unborn daughter from a crazy drunk psycho! That's some serious love right there, and he had perfectly good reasons to kill that guy. Even you can't argue with that kind of devotion-" you break off as he takes the bowl and holds it on his lap, prompting you to lean against him for both hunger and comfort reasons. As usual, he briefly stiffens, until you worm your way into a more comfortable position. He rolls his eyes at this, and you're pretty certain that he does that whenever he doesn't have anything overly sarcastic to say.

"You're worse than fucking _Nepeta,_" he mutters, and you find yourself grinning, despite the fact that you were witness to the time that Nepeta leaped on his back in the middle of the hallway. After a moment, he looks down at you before looking back at the screen. "At least you don't have an Equius-esque bodyguard. Closest thing you have is Strider and I'll be damned if he takes a break from shoving his tongue down Terezi's throat."

"Are they an item?"

You feel him shrug. "Friends with benefits or some shit like that. She fucking calls him 'Cherry-buns', it's sickening."

"Does it bother you?"

"Are you going to even try watching the fucking movie?"

You take a page out of Karkat's book and roll your eyes, reaching for the remote. After pausing the movie, you repeat your question. He makes a face.

"Why the fuck would it bother me?"

"You dated her, right?"

"For a few months in ninth grade, Egbert," he replies, "That was _two fucking years ago_."

You sigh, snuggling against him. "You still might get hurt because of it. You know? You haven't dated anybody since Terezi!"

"You haven't dated anybody since the nightmare that is Vriska, and that lasted a few weeks. Does it fucking bother you that she keeps trying to bone Tavros?"

"Karkat!" you exclaim, elbowing him in the side. The bowl almost goes flying, though you grab it at the last minute. "She isn't trying to sleep with him, she just feels bad for the accident!"

"She better fucking feel bad," he growls, leaning back, "He can't fucking walk! Gamzee nearly snapped when he was sober enough to realize what happened. She's lucky that Tavros is too forgiving for his own good. Otherwise she'd have a serious problem. But she deserves what she'd get." At this, you sit up and stare at him, heat rising to your face.

"No, she wouldn't! I know Vriska! She just wants to be friends!"

"She should have thought about that before _tripping him down a flight of stairs_!"

"She didn't know what was going to happen!"

"It was a flight of fucking stairs!"

"She was a victim of poor knowledge! She wasn't warned about the stairs."

"The dangers of stairs are common fucking knowledge."

You're about to retort when you realize that your super plan to confess to Karkat Vantas would not fit in with him leaving your house in a fit of rage. Instead, you sigh. He seems to have gotten the vibe of agreeing to disagree and he sighs along with you. He looks at you and holds out the bowl. "Want the popcorn?" he asks, and you shake your head, reaching to unpause the movie. Once you do, you notice that he's put the bowl on the floor.

"You're not hungry anymore?"

He shakes his head, and when he sees the smirk on your face, he crosses his arms. "I didn't want to spill the popcorn when I start laughing at how horrible this fucking movie is," he mutters, and you lean against him, causing him to unfold his arms, one of them resting awkwardly over your shoulders.

"Stomach hurts?"

He glares at you and tells you to shut up and turn your attention on the movie because he is _not_ going to be the only one watching it. You roll your eyes and take out your phone, sending a text to your sister to put the kettle on with some hot water. Her reply of 'why?' is met with a message of 'karkat. :B' This done, you sigh and settle in to watch the movie. You can't help but look at Karkat, just in case, and you notice that around the part where Poe and Larkin meet his eyebrows furrow and he begins to wince.

"Karkat?" you ask, and he grunts in reply. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Fuck no, this movie's just that bad."

You raise an eyebrow and sigh. "You know, you could always call your dad to come and get you."

"I'd never hear the end of it," Karkat groans. "First of all, I feel fucking _fine_, second, the guy's running some weird ball slash silent auction. All the proceeds go to the food bank. If I made him leave because of some imaginary illness that you think I have, he'd fucking lose it. It's essential to his campaign or some shit like that... Like he'd win against Condensce Peixes . She's had a grip on the town's mayorship for years, the fucking witch."

"Come on, she's Feferi's mom- can't you try to be civil?"

"Once the election's over," he says, and he sighs. "Things are so fucking awkward between everyone now. Doesn't help that Eridan is being a dickwad, I mean, he came up to me in the hall and told me that he was going to ensure that I don't use Feferi for my dad's benefit. I barely fucking talk to her anymore!"

"Didn't you talk to her a lot in grade ten? When her dad died?"

The question leaves the redhead speechless, and you realize that was the wrong thing to say when he shrugs and looks away. If you take one wrong step, he'll lock up and refuse to budge. However, you appear to be lucky, as you get some form of an answer. "Since Aradia was being all cryptic and impossible to approach, I figured I'd be a decent human being. Since, well, my mom. Feferi may be annoying, but..." he sighs, trailing off, mumbling something about her not deserving it.

The lack of swear words in the sentence makes you smile a little, though what makes you realize that something is wrong is when he instead leans on you, his eyes locked on the screen, though you were faintly aware that he wasn't paying attention one jolt. Your phone buzzes and you check it, with Jade informing you that she couldn't find the kettle, so you're on your own, and she was going out with Nepeta to go shopping. You take a look at Karkat and look back at the screen, where you are greeted with the explosion of Cindino's jet.

"I'll be right back, Karkat."

* * *

><p>You return to the basement to see Karkat curled up on the couch. You quickly hide the hot water bottle behind your back as you approach him. You clear your throat and he glares up at you as you open your mouth.<p>

"Don't you fucking say a thing," he groans. "Especially not 'I told you so'."

"I wasn't planning on it," you say, leaning over the back of the couch to look down at him. "I was just going to ask if you needed anything."

"A shotgun."

"Well, I don't have a shotgun-"

"Bull-fucking-shit, your dad is armed and fucking dangerous!" he exclaims, and you put a hand on his mouth to shut him up.

"Well, I don't have access to any of his guns," you mutter, and you reveal the hot water bottle from behind your back. "But I do have this."

It's out of your hands within half a second and being pressed against the stomach of the irritated boy. You move to sit next to him, grabbing a blanket from the floor and draping it over Karkat. He glares at you, and despite his protests that he has no need for the blanket, he snuggles underneath it. You sit next to him with a grin, just in time to see Cameron Poe take control of the cockpit of the Jailbird.

"Aaaand, look at that," you say, as he begins to land the plane over the Vegas Strip. "Masterful. His desperation drives him to-"

"This fucking scene is probably why the film won the Golden Raspberry Award for the, and I quote, 'Worst Reckless Disregard for Human Life and Public Property'. And it was up against Batman and Robin." Karkat peeked out from underneath the swab of blanket to glare at the scene unfolding. "Sollux has lectured me one too many times on why that movie was a holocaust to the Batman franchise."

"I kind of liked Batman and Robin!"

"You're only proving your own insanity, Egbert."

"Says the seventeen year old holding a hot water bottle to his stomach, curled up like a kitten."

He glares at you. "Your favorite scene's coming up," he growls, and you throw an arm around him to witness Poe and Larkin finally killing three escaped convicts after a firetruck and motorcycle chase. You move your hand over his mouth and begin to hum along with the opening lyrics to 'How Do I Live', jumping up and down in your seat as Poe reunites with his wife and daughter. However, the true grin arrives when you hear a mutter come from the general direction of Karkat.

"I got a picture, a picture of you..."

"I got a picture of you, too," you say along with Poe, and the look on Karkat's face is priceless.

"I can't believe you've made me watch this movie so many times that I've memorized this fucking scene," he grumbles, and you ruffle his hair with a smile on your face. He glares at you, and you stare back at him, and in a few seconds you're both cracking up with laughter.

"I knew I'd make you like this movie!" you exclaim, poking his chest, resulting in a hiss.

"I don't like this fucking movie," he growls, "I just know every line."

"Sure, Karkat," you say, with a small grin on your face. "But I know you love this scene. The love Poe has for his wife! The romance floating through the air! The love that is pulsating out of every orifice-"

"Big word, Egbert-"

"And look at that hug! Reunited at last! No crimes could keep him away from his family forever!"

"Yeah, yeah, true love and all that shit," Karkat groans, but you see a small smile dancing on his lips. "It's sickly sweet. Reminds me of somebody. Too sweet for their own good."

This is your chance, you think, and you reach to grab the remote to stop the movie. Karkat moves along with you, curling up underneath your arm. You turn to look at him and your smile falters. Maybe, you think, maybe you should wait until another time, when he's feeling better. But there's this small voice in the back of your mind telling you to 't8ke the plunge!' and you feel like you should.

"Would that someone happen to be me?"

"_Obviously_."

"Are you feeling alright?"

Karkat grimaces. "Not really."

"Yeah, you're not swearing."

"Up the shut fuck," he growls at you. "Better?"

"Not really," you say, pulling him closer to your side. "I, uh..."

"Spit it out, Egbert."

"I like it when you're calm and honest and stuff."

Karkat raises an eyebrow and frowns, pulling back to stare at you. "When the fuck aren't I honest?"

"A lot of the time!" you exclaim, throwing your arms into the air. "You almost never people what's wrong with you!"

"So?"

"So the people who care about you won't be able to help you if they don't know what's wrong!"

He scoffs, pushing the blanket and hot water bottle to the side so he can stand. "Like anybody cares about me that much."

"Stop being such a drama queen!" you shout, and he takes a step back as you stand. "Plenty of people care about you!"

"The fuck they don't," Karkat snaps. "Name five."

"Kanaya cares about you, and so does Gamzee!" you snap back. "Sollux does, and so does Nepeta!"

"Sollux cares about me about half of the time, fucknuts."

"Stop being picky!"

"You still only named four!"

"Well, I care about you!"

The look of surprise on his face is like a kick in the gut for you. Was it really such a surprise to him? Apparently, and what's worse is that the self-proclaimed 'wordsmith from the heavens' is having problems putting a few words together.

"You do?"

You look at him and smile. "I care about all my friends, Karkat."

"Friends?"

You grin at him and put your arm around him. "Yeah, that thing that you call people when you like them and willingly hang out with them?" He actually laughs at this, and you ruffle his hair.

"I know what friends are, Egbert. Believe it or not, I happen to have a fair few."

"I'm one of them, right?"

"You are." He smirks up at you. "There are a few things I can't help, and one of them is being your fucking friend."

"And I can't help-"

You break off, flushing, and you look away. However, Karkat seems to have noticed your blush. He gripped your shirt and pulled you down to look him in the eye. "What, Egbert? You can't help _what_?" His voice has gained a frantic tone, though his grip is pretty strong. You're a little surprised at his strength as his frame is angular and thin, though not nearly as thin as Sollux.

"It's nothing," you mutter, and Karkat lets you go, disappointment in his eyes.

"_John_," he groans, and he sits down on the couch, sighing. You follow suit, and the two of you sit there for a while, in silence, staring at the blank television screen. Eventually you turned to look at him to see him hugging his knees and staring into space.

"How're you feeling?" you ask him, and he jumps a little, turning to look at you.

"Alright," he mutters, "Though I'm petty certain my stomach wants to fucking kill me."

"I warned you."

"I know you did." He smirks, and you lean against him again, smiling up at him. "You worry too much."

"Only because I love you."

"Yeah, you do, you worry too much for your own good _wait_ _what fucking rewind what did you just say?_"

"Huh?" You look up at him, and his wide-eyed look makes you realize what you just said. You sit up and look at Karkat again, who appears to have a permanent look of shock on his face. You scoot away from him and stare into space in horror, rubbing your temples.

"Oh my god, Karkat, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to dump that on you like that, I mean, I was kind of planning it, but I didn't want to just throw it at you I wanted to ease into it Jesus I'm sorr- mmph?" Your ramble is cut off by Karkat pressing his hand over your mouth. You look at him to see his eyes lit with anger.

"Why the fuck would you waste your love on me?" he hisses, leaning over. "I'm kind of an asshole." You sigh, reaching up and moving his hand away from your mouth.

"No, you're not, you're just defensive."

"I'm an asshole."

"Defensive."

"Asshole."

"I still love you."

"_Why_?"

"It's a little hard to explain. You're passionate and you care about your friends, Karkat, no matter how hard you try to hide it! You refuse to stop at anything and you're not afraid to show your opinion, and-"

"I get it." Karkat sighs, and you look at him, frowning.

"I really am sorry, Karkat. I guess I kind of ruined this, huh?"

"I wouldn't say so."

"Huh?"

A smile lights up his face, and he places his hand near where yours is resting, leaning on it. He opens his mouth briefly before flushing and closing it. Eventually he just smiles at you- not a sarcastic smirk, but an actual smile. "You know."

You smile back at him, placing your hand over his and squeezing it. "I'm not entirely sure I do know, Karkat."

He blushes, looking away from you, though the fact that his face and hair were the same shade kept you grinning. "Guh. I, uh..." He mumbled, and he continued to mutter, slowly becoming less audible.

"I can't hear you."

"I.. love..." Karkat sighed, looking at you, blushing even more. "This is really hard."

You place your other hand on Karkat's cheek and beam at him."Come on, say it."

He takes a deep breath and looks away briefly before turning to look at you, and then it's your turn to breathe when a pair of chapped lips press against your own. You feel Karkat's hand slip out from underneath yours and run through your hair. You find yourself smiling, heat rising to your face, and Karkat pulls back, his face flushed.

"I love you, John," he whispers to you, and as you lean forward for another kiss, you decide that being in love with Karkat probably means that you're gay. You couldn't care any less.

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: Neither of the characters are mine. John Egbert, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, and all the characters mentioned are property of Andrew Hussie.<p>

(I'm rolling with Jane and Jake being Jade and John's parents, the ancestors being the humanized trolls parents.)


End file.
